Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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