So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
