My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
