There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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