I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
