Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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