my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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