He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
