im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
