My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
