I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
