i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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