Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
