yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
