Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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