Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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