just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
