Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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