What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
