We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm always down for nudity.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
