I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
