Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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