OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
