brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
