i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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