idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
