it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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