You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Someone came in the potted fern
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
