is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
