fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
