Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
