so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
