I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
