I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i came on her dog
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
