why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
