Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
