When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
