I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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