You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
