I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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