She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
