she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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