I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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