Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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