His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
