well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
