I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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