you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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