You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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