So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
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I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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