A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
