I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You made out with two different species that night
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
