STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
