yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
