His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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