kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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