Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
