i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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