what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
