Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
