was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
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I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
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I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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