i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize