Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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