Only a mothe r could love this liver
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
