New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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