ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
