i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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