At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
