Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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