to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
