Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i wish my penis had a tongue
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
