At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
