so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well I just put wine in my tea
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
