His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
