Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
